


So Close, So Far

by NeonMidnightMod



Category: wrestling - Fandom
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-10-21
Updated: 2009-10-21
Packaged: 2017-10-02 13:11:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6715
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NeonMidnightMod/pseuds/NeonMidnightMod
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Part 2 of The Heartbreak Trilogy.</p><p>The immediate aftermath. Follows on from Part 1.</p>
            </blockquote>





	So Close, So Far

**Author's Note:**

> Maintainer Note: the author of this story is Guenhwyvar, fic originally archived with bpermission at Neon Midnight (geocities.com/dedicatedtotherockers)

*** indicates POV change.

 

I read your letter for the third time. Numbly, I gather the rest of my things and make my way out to the car.

How can you know me so well?

God, this hurts. To know how you feel about me, and you can still do this. You're right, I should hate you. It'd be so much easier if I could hate you, but I can't. I know you're in as much pain as I am, and all I can think of is how I want to hold you close and stop you from hurting. The rest of the world can go to hell.

Why do you have to be so fucking stubborn and sensible? I would have thrown caution to the wind and just told you because I couldn't stand the silence anymore. I'd have dragged everything out in the open and forced us to face our feelings, and I wouldn't care what it cost because it would be worth it for us to be together. To have you in my arms. To be able to tell you I love you.

You knew. You wouldn't let me do it.

You knew I'd found out that it was you who asked for the split. I overheard someone talking the other day. I always thought that the day would come when we wouldn't be a team anymore. We talked about you going solo. I was never quite sure what I was going to do after that, but if it meant you could keep chasing your dreams, then you'd be happy, and that would be enough. Was this how it started? When your happiness began to mean more to me than my own?

Was that when I began to fall for you, Shawn?

Now it's over. The team is history, and we're both just supposed to get on with our lives. I don't know if I can. You were so much a part of my life, now you can't be there any more and it's like losing half of myself. Just because the world can't accept that two men can love each other. It's wrong, it's so damn wrong.

I didn't want it this way, and neither did you.

I've been so wrapped up thinking of you, I've barely noticed that I'm at the hotel now, moving down a hallway towards the room I know is yours.

I'm banging on the door, calling for you. I know you're here.

"Shawn! Open the damn door! SHAWN!"

***

I knew you'd come. But I can't open the door. If I do I'm going to break down in your arms and we'll be back where we started.

Damn, it has to be this way. No matter how much it hurts.

It hurts worse than anything, no matter how much of this I drink…

I take another swig from the half empty bottle. It's burning my throat, and there are tears burning my eyes. The photo I'm holding seems all misty now. It's an old one, taken just after we won the AWA titles. We've got an arm around each other as we hold up our belts. It was all so much simpler then. Our careers were taking off, life was good. Everything is so screwed up now, and I have to keep telling myself I've done the right thing.

Since when was breaking your heart the right thing?

***

"Shawn! YOU SON OF A BITCH! I don't care what anyone thinks! Don't do this…. please…"

My voice is cracking. My hands hurt from pounding on the door. I know you won't answer, but you know it won't stop me. You know I won't give up on this…on us… so easily. I can't.

I can hear you crying. It's tearing me apart.

I can't do this to you.

All my strength seems to leave me as I collapse to the floor. Wearily, I lean my forehead on the cold wood of the door. I have to think of something, anything, but I can't. I can't change your mind.

I don't want to let you go, but if… if you believe this is the only way…I need to hear you say it…  
I can barely find my voice.

"Please, if it has to be like this….please…tell me just once…."

***

I know what you're asking, and I know I shouldn't. We both already know it. Saying it is only going to hurt us more.

Huddled in a miserable heap on the back of the door, I'm as close to you as I can get. But the few inches between us may as well be miles.

From between the tears, I can just make out your broken whisper.

***

"Shawn… I love you…"

***

My resolve cracks. If I have to break your heart like this I have to at least let you hear the words, and maybe I need to say them, just once, so we'll always know…

"…I love you…"

Maybe if we stay here long enough our tears will drown us.


End file.
